Tricky Question...

EPISODE 5

SUSIE ON THE PHONE FROM SYDNEY

SUSIE:                                    But Gran, isn't there anything you can do to hurry them along?

HELEN:                                  Oh Susie, darling. Really no. I can't huff and puff them to talk sense to each other.

SUSIE:                                    No, I didn't mean that!  I meant, maybe you could blow up some sort of mini catastrophe to focus their minds.  Don't they all jump to attention when there's an emergency?

HELEN:                                  Probably. But don't you think there are enough catastrophes without me manufacturing even more?

SUSIE:                                    I suppose so. But Gran...

HELEN:                                  Darling, I feel your impatience from afar, believe me, I do. But this is something that has to be done properly. 

SUSIE:                                    But what if they don't - or won't - come up with any actual workable suggestions? I mean, they are only politicians.

HELEN:                                  So cynical, for one so young.

SUSIE:                                    So patronising, for one so old!

HELEN:                                  [LAUGHS] Spot on! So hard to avoid? Wouldn't you agree?

SUSIE:                                    I guess so.

HELEN:                                  Oh Susie, I am so sorry you are having to live through this. And I do wish I could make it all go away with one puff of my breath. But it doesn't work like that. Remember, for every action there is an equal and opposite reaction. Or something like that. You know, I do remember being your age, and thinking all I had to do was raise beautiful intelligent caring human beings and they would be far more sensible than our generation was, and all would be right with the world. 

SUSIE:                                    Really?  Is that what you thought Mum would be?

HELEN:                                  Oh yes.  I thought she would grow up to be a super hero herself, and she would know how to fix everything. 

SUSIE:                                    And she sort of is...

HELEN:                                  I know. But she still doesn't know it. And so are you. 

[BREATH OF THE GODS SOUND EFFECT]

ANANSI:                                [humming a Nigerian folk tune]... How long do you think we should wait? … Loki!

LOKI:                                     What?  Did you say something?

ANANSI:                                I said how long do you think we should wait?  

LOKI:                                     I dunno.

ANANSI:                                Oh.  [SIGH]. [HUMMING AGAIN]

LOKI:                                     What?

ANANSI:                               What!!!

LOKI:                                     Did you say something?

ANANSI:                                No. 

LOKI:                                     I definitely heard you say something. 

ANANSI:                                No, I assure you. I did not speak. 

LOKI:                                     Hmph!

ANANSI:                                What does that mean?

LOKI:                                     What does what mean?

ANANSI:                                That 'hmph'! What is that about? You don't believe me, when I say I didn't not speak? You think I am lying?

LOKI:                                     No!  Not at all. No, my friend, Anansi.  I would never accuse you of lying!  How could you think such a thing of me?

ANANSI:                                How could I not?  You are the very epitome of deception, Loki. 

LOKI:                                     Oh and I suppose you are the very personification of truth and honesty?

ANANSI:                                It's all relative. Compared to you, yes. I am. 

LOKI:                                     You just mean, you think you can get away with being deceptive better than I can.

ANANSI:                                It would not surprise me.

LOKI:                                     Well, we'll see about that. 

ANANSI:                                I'm sure we shall.  In the meantime, when is your friend Hades going to be here?  We've been waiting for half an hour already. I do not like to have my time wasted.

LOKI:                                     Why not?  Don't you have plenty of it left over? What else are you going to do with your spare time these days, but waste it, waiting for these ridiculous mortals to wipe themselves off the planet.

ANANSI:                                That is a fair point, my friend.  Although isn't this woman, Helen what's-her-name, isn't she supposed to be cleaning up the waste products, keeping the wind patterns under control?

LOKI:                                     Wherever did you hear that?  I'm pretty sure that's a vast exaggeration of her powers.

ANANSI:                                Possibly. But if she can do the one, why not the other?

LOKI:                                     Oh!  Oh yes. Why is she not doing that?  Interesting, don't you think?  Makes me think the whole thing is all a big myth.  No such thing at all. It's just not believable.

ANANSI:                                Hades seems to believe it.  Isn't that why he asked for our help?  

LOKI:                                     So he says.  

ANANSI:                                I'm not sure that I want to go along with his suggestion, 

LOKI:                                     Which one?

ANANSI:                                That we cooperate with the energy companies to shut down this working party. You know it will only speed up the process of destruction.

LOKI:                                     Why not?  Should be entertaining. Aren't you bored enough, waiting for it to happen?

ANANSI:                                Not bored. Tired. It is a most enervating process.  Waiting for it all to go away, and then start all over again.

LOKI:                                     You really think that's what will happen?  After the mortals have all died out, you think they'll evolve again? [RUMBLING SOUND IN THE BACKGROUND]

ANANSI:                                Something will replace them. That's for sure. 

LOKI:                                     You're right there.  [PAUSE, WHILE THEY THINK ABOUT THIS]

Might be something better?

ANANSI:                                Might be...  Might be not...  Might be--

LOKI:                                     What's that noise?  Is that you?

ANANSI:                                No!  What is your problem?  Have you got ringing in your ears?  What are you talking about?

LOKI:                                     That rumbling noise!  Can't you hear it, it's like a--

ANANSI:                                Cat.  It's like a cat, purring.  Like that cat. See?  The one by the window, the cat that's purring?  Is that what you mean?

LOKI:                                     I - I guess so.  I didn't see it before.  Was it there when we came in?

ANANSI:                                I have no idea.  I didn't notice it. 

LOKI:                                     Oh.  Well...  Alright then. What were you saying?

ANANSI:                                I was saying, these energy companies that want our help, apparently, to interfere with the English woman's plan to clean up the planet and reverse the climate change process. I don't get it!  Why would they want us to do that?

LOKI:                                     Because they are greedy, and hence stupid. They don't want to lose their profits, and they are so focussed on that, that they cannot see how much they will also lose in the long term. Because they are mortals, and hence stupid. 

ANANSI:                                I don't think that follows.

LOKI:                                     What?

ANANSI:                                That all mortals are stupid. Just because some of them are stupidly short-sighted, doesn't mean they all are.

LOKI:                                     No?  

ANANSI:                                No. It seems to be just the greedy ones. The ones who control most of the world's assets for themselves, and greed always blinds you to the effect you are having.

LOKI:                                     Well you would know about that, eh?  Didn't you collect all those wonderful things for yourself, including all the stories, and all the wisdom, and you weren't going to share it willingly, were you?

ANANSI:                                Indeed, you are correct.  And didn't you--

LOKI:                                     Oh yes, yes, of course, I did some pretty stupid things too, you don't have to rake it all up. The thing is, what are we doing here?  Where is Hades? What are we going to say to him? If he ever bothers to turn up--

CAT MEOW AND SCREECH

HERMES:                               Oh I wouldn't worry about that!

ANANSI AND LOKI:            Wha-- Hey!!! 

LOKI:                                     How did you--

ANANSI::                               get in here?

HERMES:                               How did you not notice?

LOKI:                                     [BLUSTERING] Well I .... I just...

ANANSI::                               [BUMBLING] I thought I saw something...

HERMES:                               Well, don't worry about it, chaps.  We're all here now, so let's get on with it.

LOKI:                                     What do you mean, we're all here?  Where is Hades?  Where is this British government person we are supposed to be meeting up with?

HERMES:                               Hades has handed over full responsibility to me. The government minister couldn’t refuse the offer of a short holiday on a long beach. We'll be meeting up with him soon enough, don't worry. In the meantime, I think we can all agree that the minister’s proposal to ruin Helen's plan is deeply flawed?

LOKI:                                     Of course!

ANANSI:                                Absolutely!

HERMES:                               Then we need to get our act together.  Do you agree?

LOKI:                                     I guess so.

ANANSI:                                Of course. Let's do that. That was most impressive, your entrance just then.

HERMES:                               You think so?  Thank you.  I've been practising. Usually I use the angry dog, but this time, I thought an adorable purring cat would do the trick.

LOKI:                                     Fooled me.  [BREATH OF THE GODS SOUND EFFECT]

SUSIE AND HELEN STILL ON THE PHONE

SUSIE:                                    So you really believe we all have some kind of power, some inner source of power that could be used to make the world a better place?

HELEN:                                  Oh, Lordy, Susie. Of course we do.  It's called decency.  

SUSIE:                                    Not very exciting though, is it?  They'd never make a Marvel Movie, would they? With Captain Decency going around just being nice, and thoughtful, 

HELEN:                                  And courteous. And honest.  No.

SUSIE:                                    Well, they could, but they would make it a comedy. And he

HELEN:                                  Or she

SUSIE:                                    or he AND she would be always getting things wrong and making things worse. 

HELEN:                                  Yes, because for anything to be entertaining, there have to be high stakes. So they would have to put in charge of something terribly dangerous, that threatened life on earth as we know it, and then--

SUSIE:                                    And then just see how powerful their kindness and decency would be, against the rude, mean and evil bullies who want to keep building the dangerous thing.

HELEN:                                  Actually.  I'd watch that...

SUSIE:                                    Hmmm.  Me too. 

HELEN:                                  [LAUGHS]