Of Friends & Neighbours

EPISODE 8

FLLOYD: Thunder’s Mouth Theatre presents: “Of Friends and Neighbours” Episode 8 of Season 11.Jennifer gives Helen a hand to bring her shopping upstairs, as the lift is STILL out of order. Really! Someone should report it to the Body Corporate. Helen’s old friend Joey from her days at College in New York, and a new friend calls up to ask for help. Enjoy...

DOOR UNLOCKING.

JENNIFER: Here I am! Who needs the lift, eh?

HELEN: Oh, thanks so much Jenny. That is really kind of you. And the answer to your question is, me!! I need a lift. And I’m pretty sure most people in this block of flats would not be ungrateful, if we ever got it fixed.

JENNIFER: I know. It is outrageous, isn’t it.  Oh, is that your phone? I’ll take these inside for you. You answer that.

HELEN: Oh, oh thanks. I will. Uh.  Hello?

JOEY: Helen?

HELEN: Joey!   How wonderful!

JOEY: Is this a good time? Are you busy?

HELEN: I was born busy, Joey. You know that. Just hold on for two secs, will you?

JENNIFER: I’m off, Helen. See you later.

JOEY: Ok.

HELEN: Thanks Jenny. You’re a goddess, you know that?

JENNIFER: I don’t think so. Bye.

DOOR CLOSES

HELEN: Ok Joey darling. I’m all yours.

JOEY: Was that your lovely next door neighbour?

HELEN: Yes, that was Jennifer. Although she’s more like my opposite door neighbour. Coz she’s across the corridor from me.

JOEY: Oh you are such a pedant.

HELEN: How dare you!  I’m a literalist.

JOEY: Is that a thing?

HELEN: It is in my book. Just like my mother. I’ve turned into her, you know.

JOEY: Me too.

HELEN: What, you’ve turned into my mother too?

JOEY: Aha.  I see what you mean. No, my darling, I have turned into MY mother. Not yours. So do we have to spell everything out to each other now, in order to avoid confusion?

HELEN: Probably.  But don’t count on it.   Life is too short.

JOEY: You’re not wrong there. Mine is, anyway, what’s left of it.

HELEN: Are you ok?

JOEY: Oh yes. Just the usual, you know. Aches and pains, bumping into things - I’m covered in highly exotic looking bruises. I think people think Steve is beating me up.

HELEN: And is he?

JOEY: Mostly with butterfly kisses these days.

HELEN: Ha ha. Oh dear.  I haven’t heard that expression for a very long time.  Is he well?

JOEY: As well as I am. We’re good. Nothing to worry about.  How about you?

HELEN: Well, I was freaking out a bit there, about Skype disappearing. Microsoft doing what Microsoft does, swallowing up things we’ve grown to love and spitting them back out at us in some monstrous over-reaching format that nobody asked for.

JOEY: Gee honey. That absolutely sums it up.  That’s why I’m calling you on FaceTime.  Until Apple decides to follow suit.

HELEN: Yeah. Bring back landlines.

JOEY: Bring back snail mail.

HELEN: Bring back pigeon post.

JOEY: Bring back the Pony Express.

HELEN: Bring back talking drums. [THEY BOTH GIGGLE]

JOEY: Well it couldn’t be any harder, could it?  And think of all those drummers in employment again. Although I doubt there would be a drum loud enough to reach from me to thee.

HELEN: Good point. And now I think about it, I remember how expensive it was to phone home back in the day. My mother used to send me money orders, to pay for the phone calls.

JOEY: Why didn’t she just call you?

HELEN: We didn’t have a phone in our rooms, if you remember. Oh, you didn’t stay in the college, did you?

JOEY: No, because I was a local. I actually lived there, whereas

HELEN: Whereas I was a foreigner, a stranger in a strange land.

JOEY: Was it really all that strange for you?

HELEN: It certainly was.  I got off the boat in New York thinking I just had to allow for the accent being different. But it was a whole different culture. You know, Joey, I actually thought all those American movies I used to watch when I was growing up in Rockhampton, in Queensland, I really believed they were all make believe, exaggerations. It never occurred to me that real Americans actually behaved the way they did in the movies.

JOEY: In what way? How did they behave differently from Australians?

HELEN: Well... over the top, so emotional all the time

JOEY: Really?  You thought we were being emotional?

HELEN: Yes!  Because we don’t express our emotions so publicly.. yes, that’s it. We are just as emotional, but it’s the way you guys express it that’s so different. And it was a bit of a shock to the system when I arrived, and I had to adjust to the fact that when Americans shout at each other, most of the time they are just speaking normally, for them.

JOEY: You thought we were shouting?

HELEN: Yes!  I think it’s an emphasis thing.  You know? Some languages, they stress words or phrases by changing the pitch of the voice?  But you guys use volume instead. I’m sure I read that somewhere.

JOEY: So you mean, Australians, and English people, they aren’t all emotionally repressed, they are just behaving normally - for them - by not sharing how they feel all the time?

HELEN: Oh Joey, you know it’s true.

JOEY: I do. But I like to tease you.

HELEN: Fair do’s.  So what’s new in Sydney town? Are you enjoying your new government.

JOEY: You mean the new old government.  Or the old new government.  Because it’s all same same, as far as I can make out.  The only blessing is that we aren’t in fear of our lives that the other lot might take over at any moment.

HELEN: Yeah, I know what you mean.  And when are you coming back to visit me?

JOEY: You mean, am I in the middle of preparing to host you, when you come to visit me?

HELEN: Oh, I don’t think that’s going to happen for a while

JOEY: Why not?  Get your bags packed, missy. I’ll fire up the barbecue for you

HELEN: Golly gosh! You’d do that for me?

FADE OUT. 

MUSIC

COFFEE MACHINE AND CROCKERY. HELEN’S PHONE RINGS

HELEN: Who is this please.

MARY: It’s Mary, Helen. Mary O’Leary, Clara’s mother? Do you remember me?

HELEN: I certainly do. How are you?

MARY: I’m well enough thank you.  And you? Are you busy just now? Do you have a moment?

HELEN:   Yes, I’m free now. What’s happening. Are you ok?

MARY: I’m fine thank you.  I just wanted to talk to you about that young South African woman we met in the cafe after Clara’s ‘gathering’. A few weeks ago?

HELEN: Yes, of course. Have you seen her?

MARY: No, I have not. But I bumped into your Susan the other day in Camden Town, and she told me Preshanni had gone missing.

HELEN: Yes. We can’t find any trace of her. Susie is very concerned about her.

MARY: Yes, I certainly got that impression. It’s not a nice thing at all when people just disappear without a word.

HELEN: It’s happened to you?

MARY: Indeed it has. My Clara is in the habit of doing it from time to time. We’ve gotten used to it now, but the first time was just awful. I was sick with worry.

HELEN: Well of course.

MARY: Now Helen I don’t want to take up your time

HELEN: Oh that’s not a problem. Time I have a-plenty.

MARY: Good. Well, now the thing is, I need some help. And I wondered if you could put me in touch with Susan. You see, Clara left a whole lot of boxes in my garage before she went off this time - and I do know where she is, in case you’re wondering.

HELEN: Well that’s good.

MARY: It is. I think she’s learnt that lesson at long last. I have her phone number. And an address, would you believe! Somewhere in France.

HELEN: Very nice.

MARY: For her, yes. But to these boxes, before she left, she did mention that there are files in there with contact details for all of her volunteers. So I wondered, do you think Susie would have time to come over, and go through them with me? In case we can find something relating to Preshanni?

HELEN: Oh I’m sure she’d be happy to do so. Me too.  I could do with a challenge.

MARY: Really?  Oh that would be so good.

HELEN: I’ll get on to Susie, and get back to you with when she’ll be free, and you can give me the address then.

MARY: Oh that is grand. Talk soon.

FADE OUT. MUSIC

FLLOYD: That was “Friends and Neighbours”, Episode 8 and I reckon we are now on the downhill stretch for this Season. Will Preshanni turn up, safe and sound? Will Susie find a new cause to champion? Will Helen ever run out of things to complain about?  Stay tuned, folks. Who know?  Certainly not me. Or should that be - not I? Who’s the pedant here, I wonder.  In the meantime, all praise to the Fable and Folly Network for their support and encouragement, - oh! Did I mention? Am I Old Yet? was shortlisted for a Golden Lobe award last month. Didn’t win, but what an honour to be listed in such great company as Crowleytime, Oz9, and the actual winner Harford - an oral history. Do check them out. And feel free to drop some pennies into our Patreon bucket if you can spare any, at patreon.com/amIoldyet. Every little helps. Thanks for listening. Stay safe.